Selling on Ebay
I’ve just recently put a penny up for sale on ebay. It’s not just an ordanary penny though, no way! Its The Worlds Greatest Penny.
Here is some info on The Penny and the link to the page on ebay.
The Worlds Greatest Penny.
A few years ago, I was lucky enough to come into possession of The Worlds Greatest Penny.
When I first held the penny in my hand, I could feel its great aura, which I was curious about and, in turn, it compelled me to, over the last year and a half, trace the history of The Penny back to its beginnings.
The Penny was allegedly the inspiration for the World Wide Web. It is said that in 1989, Sir Tim Berners-Lee had The Penny whilst working at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) in Geneva, Switzerland. He was staring at The Penny whilst on a Diet Coke break, thinking that there should be a better way to look at porn, rather than on video tape or at the Spank-a-thons at the local cinemas. Then it struck him. The penny was round, just like the earth. He had a bet with Saddam Hussein that he could make a network or a global community, where every bum around the world could watch a thirty three second clip of Pammy getting nailed. In 1990, he proved to Saddam that he could have the World Wide Web up and running within the next two years. Saddam was pissed and took his anger out on someone weaker than himself, and got into a bit of trouble because of it.
The Worlds Greatest Penny was, apparently, was pulled out of the Berlin wall when it was demolished. It is believed that The Penny was put into the very first mix that went into the wall when it was first erected. The Penny gave the wall its strength and gave out a great burst of evil energy every 42 seconds.
A few historians have told me that this very penny in 1924, gave Adolf Hitler the idea to write a book about his struggle. I believe it was called Mein Kampf. Adolf came into possession of The Penny whilst he was a prisoner in Landsberg Prison serving a five year sentence for High Treason (Hitler was later seen to of acted Honorably and only served nine months). Hitler said that the tattered and worn Penny reminded him of his struggle; how it had rubbed up against resistance and had lost it’s way a little. He then thought that he should write a book about it. I think it became a best seller, although I don’t think Oprah has had it on her book club yet. Shame!
I was lead to believe that The Worlds Greatest Penny had a very important part to play at the signing of the United States Declaration of Independence. Thomas Jefferson had it in his pocket in 1776 when he went to Pennsylvania State House with his draft of the Declaration of Independence to put forward to Congress. Jefferson was sick of the thirteen states arguing over the different points of the draft, trying to gain advantages for their state so, he took the penny out of his pocket and threw it into the air. It rose astoundingly and, magically, went straight through the ceiling. It then struck the Liberty Bell and made it chime like it had never before. This sent some sort of shockwave that, just like on Men in Black, made Congress forget all about their differences and they, in turn, agreed on the final draft of United States Declaration of Independence. The Liberty Bell re-cracked after chiming and, after noticing that the crack looked like your arse after Mexican food, Glen Bell named his Mexican food outlets Taco Bell after it.
It was suggested that in the late 1470’s, The Penny influenced Christopher Columbus to go out and discover the new world. He was sick of all the other explorers who had discovered new places and was tired of getting mocked. They used to call him Chris Columbarse because of his lack of discovery. He was sat looking out to sea from a window in Lisbon, rolling The Penny back and forth through the crease above his chin. The penny then made him think that, maybe the earth is not flat and is indeed round. As he loved Chinese food but was sick of the numerous months that he had to wait for his order to be delivered, he thought to himself, there just might be a quicker route to the Orient across the Atlantic rather than around Africa. He put together his ideas and took them around different countries to see if he could gain some funding. They all pretty much laughed in his face and called him Columbarse, except for Queen Isabella, how was doing a lot of crystal meth at the time. She found his idea to be wonderful and give him a couple of quid. He subsequently set sail from Palos de la Frontera with his ships Santa Maria, Pinta and the little bastard, Nina. He accidentally found The Americas and then when he returned, was again mocked for messing up his trip and falling well short of the Far East. He also brought syphilis back with him. What an idiot.
I’ve come to understand that The Penny might have forced the stupid King John to the signing of the Magna Carta in 1215 and restricted the thick King in the control over England. I’ve heard that when it came to the signing, King John had changed his mind and was adamant that he won’t be restricted. Someone, who was observing, threw The Penny at him and shouted “Sign it you dickhead”. The Penny struck King John on the forehead and, because he became a little frightened, he ended up signing the great paper. I think he might have signed it with an X because he couldn’t read or write, the thick get.
Legend has it that The Penny was actually the arrow tip that pierced through Harold Godwinson’s eye in 1066. This certain Harold was King Harold II and he was killed by The Penny which shot into his brain. I believe the man who shot the arrow was a Frenchman named Claude. He liked socializing but also like the occasional bit of ‘me time’.
The Penny was purportedly in the possession of King Arthur in 507 AD. It is said that whilst wandering for years through the wilderness, trying to find himself, he became so confused and angry at his life that he threw The Penny as far as he could into the distance. Astonishingly, something arose from the earth before his very eyes. It was the greatest castle that he had ever set eyes on. He called it Camelot. The Penny made it’s self into a giant, round table in the centre of the building. The creators of the film Superman used part of this story for the creation of Superman’s house of ice.
There is a tale that The Penny once spent its life as a boulder and after a man called Jesus died in about 31 AD, it was placed across the hole of the tomb that he was placed in, blocking both entry and exit. I think this bloke had a significant part to play in the future, influencing many lives. It’s said that he also used to play for Manchester United for about four years.
Around 1433 BC, fable has it that after a game of knock a door, run away at Pharaoh’s house, Moses and his mates were seen running away from Pharaoh’s pad. Pharaoh phoned up a few of his mates and they got a few more mates which then snowballed into a large posse. They chased Moses and all his mates right across Egypt. Moses eventually came to the Red Sea and Pharaoh thought he had him trapped. Unknown to anyone, Moses had The Penny on a chain around his neck. He snapped the chain and The Penny fell to the ground. Moses picked it up and skimmed it across the water. It was the longest skimmer that anyone had ever seen. It actually reached the other side. It skimmed with such force that it pulled apart the sea leaving a trail that led over to the land across the way. Moses and his mates legged it across and made it to the other end. Pharaoh and his gang were not so lucky. Pharaoh had his best clothes on and was not aloud to get wet. Mrs Pharaoh was not pleased when he finally got home. Moses and his mates put a bit of distance between Pharaoh and himself so everyone could cool down. They returned for six days though in 1967.
I think the penny first came to this earth in 64,998,000 BC. It was travelling around the universe for many years and was having a pretty good time of it when all of a sudden; it accidentally slammed into the earth, turning the sky black, making the air hard to breath and causing the earth to heat up considerably. It got better though but a few species were lost. Whoops.
In about the year 13,999,998,000 BC, The Penny was just sitting about in its nothingness, minding its own business. It thought to its self ‘Is it hot in here or is it me?’ All of a sudden, The Penny pretty much exploded out of its own arse and started accelerating away from its place of comfort. It was gutted. It couldn’t for the life of it, figure out what happened. It put it down to a bit of gastric flu.
So there you have it. The Worlds Greatest Penny. It does have the year 2000 written on it but I think that its part of it mystery. I don’t really want to part with it but I’ve just bought The Worlds Sexiest Two Pence Piece
Add comment July 8, 2008
Hello. I’m Pat Noodle.
Hello people, I’m Pat Noodle and I would like to start my blog by telling you about myself.
Unfortunately, when I was 16, my memory was wiped out by a freak accident which involved a beagle, trying to break the World record for dining out. My memory pretty much starts from waking up months later, balancing across the brow of a traffic wardens cap, in Wiltshire. I sorted myself out and moon walked back to Manchester to start my GCSE’s.
When I left school, I was told by my mother that I wasn’t actually her son and that she had found me down the back of the sofa. She said that all I had with me was a tag that said ‘Made in Taiwan’ and an uncontrollable desire to become a house brick. So I popped myself on the local tramps back, gave him part of an old shoe and he whisked me away to Taiwan, which was not an easy task because of the friction between Taiwan and China. I had to be fired out of a bag pipe, across the Taiwan straight, recherché of a mongoose eating a chicken cesar salad from a Tesco Express on the Penghu Islands and into the Choshui River in Taiwan.
I spent days walking up river, deep into the mountains. Luckily enough, the first person I come across turned out to be my real farther. He was a very short man, probably because his body consisted of half a lollypop stick stuck into a turnip. He was a grand master of an ancient martial art called ‘香蕉男人非洲式的投擲人’. This loosely translates to ‘banana man afro flinger’. I studied the art for nearly 5 years, becoming one of the greatest pupils that had ever studied 蕉男人非洲式的投擲人. I packed it all in though for a job at Subway. I lasted less than a day there because, after putting on my plastic gloves, I used to then piss in the air singing the chorus to the Earth Song
After a few failed businesses that I tried to set up like, looking for the Lock Ness Monster in the singles ads and then exploting him in the porn inustry and then selling him on to the Chinese for meat and medicine, and also robbing blind the blind, I decided that I would go to Coney Island and learn something new.
I spent 3 years on Coney Island studying the art of Dance. I majored in Body Popping and Table Dancing. After graduating I decided that I wanted to see the World. I wanted to travel around one of the Continents but couldn’t decide where to go. I got advice from a lot of people and come to the conclusion that most people travel round Australia, Europe and the the U.S. I don’t like going to the same places as everyone else so I decided to travel around Darwin and Blackburn for 2 Years. I couldn’t afford to get to Darwin in style, so I had to get there with Easy Jet. The journey took me 13 days because the cheapest route to Manchester Airport from John Lennon Airport in Ford Capri Land was across Eastern Europe, the Middle East, the Far East and U.S.A. Though most of the journey was done on planes, I also had to travel by pedlo, Motorbility scooter, Nissan Sunny and one of those train like things where you push the handle up and down to make it go. The best place was Thwaites brewery because they let you punch kids in the face for 50 pence. Disabled ones were a pound.
I got a job working in a sweat shop in Oswaldtwistle to fund my travels. I used to bottle up sweat from fat bastards backs, which was then labelled up as Dasani and sold on as water in many outlets. The operation shut down after a while, when the authorities started closing in. We said it was because of tap water and cancer.
When I returned from my travels, I joined a Freestyle Body Popping troop called Das-Booties. You can see us perform classic moves like the snake, the robot, the amputee and spinning on our heads outside Spars across the country. We also do underground popping (which is illegal) against our rival troop, The Third Reichael. These Body Pop-offs can get really nasty. For example, if someone is dissin your fly-girl through the means of dance and you don’t Pop a good reply then, you could get really hurt, on the inside.
Also, when I’m not dancing, I’m usually working on motorways. My job is to stand in the centre of the lane at night, pointing at which lane the vehicle should be in.
2 comments June 24, 2008
